The Cape Fear Wedding Minister

15 Brides Take After-The-Wedding Survey

2010-05-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

Here's the results of a survey I offered to the brides I performed wedding ceremonies for in 2009 and 2010. Out of the 150 requests I sent out, only fifteen (10%) chose to answer the questions.

I do not know who answered the survey questions. They are autonomous, as survey results should be. But I am very grateful for the 15 who took the time to share their thoughts and opinions with me.

The results, for me, were revealing and helpful. Hope the same is true for you. And I would be interested to read your comments about the survey and the results. Please leave them for me below.

1. What surprises you most about being married?

1. Not married yet!

2. That there is never enough time like there seemed to be while you were dating.

3. Would have to answer this after May 21st.

4. How very different we truly are...and how we can make that work for the betterment of all when we apply ourselves to see what God is doing in our union.

5. It feels so complete. No more just me... but us and it feels really good.

6. I'm not married yet.

7. How completely and unconditionally i am loved and am able to love

8. Not married yet...

9. Being married is a lot of work. We have to make an effort to have date nights and time alone so we stay close.

10. How much I feel like my husband and I are a team instead of just 2 people loving together...

2. What would you like to know now after the wedding?

1. Not married yet!

2. How to balance our lives and make the much needed time for each other

3. How to stay like we are now and grow together.

4. That the marriage will never end! (We're committed...so with God...it is going to last until death do us part...maybe longer!)

5. Where he was all my life!

6. How to maintain this feeling, how to foster this relationship in the same way it was developed

7. Not married yet...but basically how to stay happily married.

8. I can't think of anything.

9. Oh, a lot of things but they're the kind of things I'm sure I can only know the longer I'm married.

10. N/A, wedding next year

3. What do you struggle with the most in your life?

1. Stressing over the little things

2. The balance I mentioned in #2. We have very different work schedules that keep us apart, plus trying to schedule time to visit with family.

3. Family relationships

4. Feeling like I am in the right place, at the right time doing what God wants me to be doing.

5. Staying healthy, and he is but helpful and my undoing! LOL

6. How to help my mother, father, and sister with their problems (such as money, job, relationship issues) while not letting their problems interfere with my life.

7. Feelings of not deserving this

8. Finances, balancing life

9. My husband’s children........ being a step-mother is the hardest thing I have ever done.

10. Generally making sure I'm a good, solid person and not letting things like jealousy of what others have get to me. I remind myself daily that I am an incredibly lucky person and the life I lead is truly a gift.

4. Which of these topics interest you most? Mark as many as you like.

Growing more of a spiritual life: 40.0% 6 answered

Divorce-proofing your marriage: 73.3% 11 answered

Membership in a marriage coaching group: 20.0% 3answered

Getting out of debt: 33.3% 5 answered

Raising children: 53.3% 8 answered

How to handle money in marriage: 53.3% 8 answered

Retirement building: 40.0% 6 answered

Tips about saving money in the household: 66.7% 10 answered

Starting an internet business: 6.7% 1 answered

Tips on increasing profits in your business: 13.3% 2 answered

Getting help booking your beach house for vacation: 20.0% 3 answered

5. Of the topics you chose, why do they interest you?

1. When my family is happy and running smoothly, so am I.

2. They all seem to be helpful in relieving stress and focusing on the positives.

3. Would love to hear tips on ways to make marriage work and "divorce proof" it. Interested in looking to the future...save money and work towards retirement.

4. Because being closer to God is the best way to spend time, energy, interest; because we are expecting our first child; everyone likes to save a few bucks on everyday things.

5. We're starting the stage toward building toward retirement, and of course, it all centers around $$.

6. I find that life is easier when you put your faith in the Lord so growing more of a spiritual life is of interest to me. My parents are divorced and it has always been a big fear of mine that if I got married it would also lead to divorce so I would like tips on ways to divorce-proof my marriage. Saving money is always good and leads to less stress in life.

7. All things i think will help add to the mutual feeling of respect and help our marriage grow.

8. We are both school teachers so we don't make a lot of money and we're always struggling to pay bills and save money at the same time. Of course, we want to "divorce-proof" our marriage.

9.We are about to buy a small business and are definitely planning on children in the near future...and we own a beach house.

10. I manage the money in our household and so learning from experienced people on that is an interest. Also, we'd like to start a family, so that's nice. Also, my fiance was previously married and we are committed to staying together forever, so we'd like to know more about how to make that happen.

6. Which of these would you find easy to tell friends about?

How to manage marriage money: 33.3% 4 answered

Monthly online marriage coaching: 41.7% 5 answered

Getting out of personal debt: 41.7% 5 answered

Spirituality 101 - Week teleseminar over six weeks about Spirituality: 16.7% 2 answered

Including family and friends as your grow spiritually: 41.7% 5 answered

Discounts on beach home vacation stays around Wilmington, NC: 58.3% 7 answered

7. Please rate the following items to paint a picture of what you would consider to be important in your ideal life:

Not Interested Interested Desirable Very Desirable Response Count

Having good physical health

0.0% (0) 13.3% (2) 13.3% (2) 73.3% (11) 15

Having a closer personal relationship with God

6.7% (1) 40.0% (6) 20.0% (3) 33.3% (5) 15

Having a clear purpose for living

0.0% (0) 7.1% (1) 28.6% (4) 64.3% (9) 14

Living with a high degree of integrity

0.0% (0) 0.0% (0) 26.7% (4) 73.3% (11) 15

Being deeply committed to the Christian faith

13.3% (2) 33.3% (5) 26.7% (4) 26.7% (4) 15

Making a difference in the world

0.0% (0) 40.0% (6) 26.7% (4) 33.3% (5) 15

Having a comfortable lifestyle

6.7% (1) 0.0% (0) 66.7% (10) 26.7% (4) 15

Being active in church

26.7% (4) 53.3% (8) 6.7% (1) 13.3% (2) 15

Owning the latest household technology and equipment

40.0% (6) 26.7% (4) 33.3% (5) 0.0% (0) 15

Work in a high paying job

26.7% (4) 40.0% (6) 33.3% (5) 0.0% (0) 15

Running my own business

60.0% (9) 26.7% (4) 6.7% (1) 6.7% (1) 15

Building a family legacy

26.7% (4) 46.7% (7) 20.0% (3) 6.7% (1) 15

Having a satisfying sex life with my marriage partner

0.0% (0) 0.0% (0) 46.7% (7) 53.3% (8) 15

Having children

35.7% (5) 0.0% (0) 21.4% (3) 42.9% (6) 14

Owning a large home

46.7% (7) 26.7% (4) 20.0% (3) 6.7% (1) 15

Having close, personal friends

0.0% (0) 6.7% (1) 26.7% (4) 66.7% (10) 15

Living close to my family and friends

0.0% (0) 20.0% (3) 60.0% (9) 20.0% (3) 15

8. Many of you come every year to the beach, would you write a story telling me things like, where is your favorite place to stay and why; how many come with you; how long do you stay; what got you started making the trip; why is your beach so special; what time of year do you like to come; approximately how much do you spend for your beach house/hotel; where do you like to eat out; what other activities do you do; what new things you would like to try and so on.

(answered question – 12; skipped question - 3)

1.	We just started coming because we're having our wedding there - we like to stay on Wrightsville.
2.	Chris and I found The Shell Island of Wilmington while looking for a vacation spot close to the Outer Banks since we love lighthouses. We got engaged there and one year later married there (by you, of course!!). We enjoy it in the Fall around late September and usually stay around 5 days. It is very peaceful for us this time of year as we enjoy quiet time together searching for seashells, etc. We found the "Fish House Grill" last time and loved it! They had an all-u-can-eat with seafood menu that was delicious! We also enjoy biking around the inlet, but would enjoy new activities, like kayaking.
3.	At a later date I would
4.	We came to the beach primarily (and soley at the time) to get married. We have thought about return visits, but it doesn't seem "pressing" at the moment. {Not sure if this answer is helpful to you...}
5.	I'm not much of a beach person, and I stay with family.
6.	We are getting married in Ocean Isle Beach, NC. We came to visit in March and stayed at the Islander Inn for one night, it cost about 100/night. We wanted to eat at the Giggling Mackerel but it was closed so we ate at Sharky. We like Ocean Isle because it is a lot smaller and quieter than any of the beaches we have been to before.
7.	We live at the beach but when we "vacation" at area beaches i look forward to spending time with extended family and creating memories much like those I have from my childhood. Starting a tradition of a yearly summer vacation in late June/early July is important to me.
8.	My husband grew up going to Wrightsville Beach in the summers. When we met he introduced me to the area. We now call Kure Beach our home away from home. We try to spend one week during the summer and we often make weekend and spur of the moment trips when possible. We love the small town and the people in it. We have stayed at several places on the island. Atlantic Towers, Palm Air Cottages, and the Moran Motel are our favorites. Atlantic Towers is great, especially for an extened period of time. Palm Air is a favorite because of the lovely inn-keepers and the location. If you want the cleanest rooms on the island this is your place! The Moran Motel really takes you back in time. The location is great and the price is even better. It is great for a weekend trip and we use it a lot when we are supposed to be ending our vacation but want to stay just one more night! For our honey moon we rented a little cottage on the beach called the Red Snapper, it was wonderful as well. The beach is the place that we can get away and be ourselves. My husband has had custody of his 3 kids from the time we met, so our time alone is very special and very rare. I think this is what makes the beach so special, because when we get that time alone Kure Beach is where we head to. As for dining we have a few favorites. For breakfast the Old Pier House is our favorite. We love to get up before sunrise and head to the pier for a day of fishing. Around 7am or so we'll take a break and have breakfast. We also love the BBQ at Bowman's Seafood.... be sure to ask for the Billy Bob's Sauce! Our most favorite is Freddie's. We had dinner here on our wedding night. The food is ALWAYS wonderful. You can count on a wait in the summer, but they will call your cell phone when your table is ready which allows you to take a walk on the pier or play video games in the arcade next door. It may look a little expensive but the portions are HUGE and we usually share a meal. They even split it up for you in two separate dishes. For activities, we love to fish! Sometimes we'll spend our day on the pier fishing and other times we spend the day on the beach fishing. Either way, we love it.
9.	We live here, so this doesn't really apply to us. We stay at our house and eat Britt's donuts! :)
10.	Shawn and I visit Carolina Beach several times during the summer. We began dating in 2008 and CB was the one of our first trips that summer. We loved it so much because unlike Myrtle Beach, Carolina Beach is a place to relax and enjoy the ocean. It's not too crowded and it has always felt like our home away from home. We fell in love at Carolina Beach that summer. The following April Shawn asked me to marry him. I agreed and we decided to the only place we wanted to have the ceremony was at our favorite little piece of earth. On June 13, 2009 we were married on the beach at the hotel where we were staying, Dolphin Lane. It's a cute little place that we've visited frequently. The office staff is wonderful and they can always give you the surf report and any other info about Pleasure Island. The day was warm, sunny, and beautiful. If only we hadn't lost Shawn's ring in the sand for about ten minutes, things would have been perfect. Thanks to my cousin, the ring was found and we carried on. We said our vows while listening to the tide at Carolina Beach. I couldn't have asked for a better place or better Reverend to keep me calm. Shawn and I have been back to CB several times since then and will be there this June for our one year anniversary. We're very excited to get to run away from reality for a while and also get to dine in at some of the local restaurants. If you ever get the urge to visit my little paradise, you have to check out Michael's Seafood. They have the best chowder. Not to mention the night before we got married, Michael personally came out with two glasses of wine and wished us the best. Talk about making me feel like a blushing bride! Also, Jack Mackeral's is a wonderful island restaurant that has the best Mahi Mahi. Lastly, for breakfast Harbors Masters is awesome. When we're not on the beach or stuffing ourselves, some other places we visit frequently are the surf shops, The Brew Thru, the skate park, the piers and the boardwalk. Fort Fisher is also a great place to visit and has a very nice aquarium. We've even went on the cruise boat at night which was a lot of fun. This summer we're wanting to check out Freeman Park. There, you can actually drive your vehicle out onto the ocean and camp. That's how I want to camp for sure! There's lots to do on Pleasure Island, but I think it's nice to explore and find what makes each individual happy to call Carolina Beach their home away from home.

9. Thank You Very Much for taking the time to help me think through a lot of ideas. One last question - are there any other ideas or topics I could cover?

1. Although we have found Wilmington to be a very special place for us, we would love to visit new places around the region, but need help in which direction to take.

2. None that I can think of right now.

3. Can't think of any off the top of my head at the moment...but if something pops in there...I can e-mail!

4. I think you're off to a great start!

5. Can't think of any.

6. Communication in relationships; balancing job, relationship, hobbies, kids, etc.

7. I can't think of any.

8. Love the idea of an online counseling. I think if you can keep your marriage strong, you wouldn't need crisis counseling. As long as you did that, I'd be happy.

9. I don't think so, but I'm glad you included me in this survey! Thanks, Rev Dale.

10. Life is so good! I love being married to my best friend. Friendship is so important in a marriage. Mutual respect is so important in our marriage.

Beach House at Wrightsville Beach

2010-04-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever found a good deal by accident? I went to do a

wedding rehearsal one Friday afternoon in April at a Yacht

Club when I saw a poster about this A frame beach house on

Wrightsville Beach. Looked nice. Then someone came up

behind me and asked if I would like to see it since it was

right next door. I went. It was nice.

Then I learned the house had just been upgraded and the

management was trying to increase bookings so they decided

to drop the price by $600 to attract interest.

I was interested!

So I booked a week. The week of my daughter's high school

graduation.

I haven't been excited about her graduating and leaving because

she's 'my little girl'

but now . . .

I can't wait to spend a week in that beautiful A frame

with it's private access to the soft, cool sand of the beach.

All the info you need to learn even more about this DEAL

is in the link below.

The video is only 30 seconds long, the song is cool and the

contact information is in the description.

Enjoy!!!

Tour Beach House

The Sand Ceremony Trend

2010-02-24T11:05:00.000-08:00

The origin of the Sand Ceremony remains a mystery. Some argue for origins in the Native America tradition while others say it has long been the Hawaiians who can claim first to use this unique way of a couple showing unity in marriage.

But the trend for using the ceremony grows year after year especially after Ryan and Trista on "The Bachelorette" cast it into the public's eye.

The simplicity and beauty of the act launched the trend within the wedding industry for marriage ceremonies.

It of course replaces the much loved Unity Candle ceremony. That ceremony is a visual and interactive event which can include the parents of the bride and groom and dramatizes the union of the couple as they light a single candle using their individual candle.

The idea of 'two becoming one' expressed by the couple to publicly show their unity is a very strong tenant in wedding ceremonies. Therefore, the creation of the Sand Ceremony allowed for an equally meaningful way to replicate the Unity Candle part of the wedding.

There are several reasons for the trend:

candles cannot be lit outside and if you do get them lit, they won's stay lit
the beauty of the glass container with different colored sand is a wonderful keepsake
it's easy to include children and other people like mothers in the ceremony

So now, once the vows are said and the rings exchanged, the pouring of the sand comfortably follows and fits within the overall order of the wedding.

The options for conducting this element of your wedding vary just like that of the Unity Candle. You can do one of the following:

Pour the sand without any sound
Pour the sand while music is being played
Pour the sand while the minister explains to those attending what is happening
Have the minister explain what is about to happen with the sand and why
Have the mothers pour part of the bride and groom's sand before they are seated
Let children pour their own sand color before the bride and groom do
Any combination of the above or come up with your own arranged order

If you have not considered or seen the variety of containers and colors, you should. There are many online sites from which you can see or buy what you need.

For your convenience and research here's some places to begin.

Join the trend and happy pouring . . .

American Bridal

My Spiritual Wedding

Misty Duggin's Simple Carolina Beach Wedding

2009-04-08T05:59:00.000-07:00

Simple here means 'made-to-order'.

A South Carolina wedding minister referred Misty to me for her beach wedding at Carolina Beach. We connected right away in more ways than one:

phone
personality
philosophy

I contacted her as soon as I got her phone number and email address. She has a bubbly personality! A great ambassador for positive thinking and speaking!!

Her personality filled the phone line as she shared her story with me about how she and her finance Jr meet and fell in love. My personality came out, joined hers and we had fun discussing the wedding details.

Misty's philosophy about getting married in simple fashion hit the nail on the toe when it comes to understanding the point of a wedding - picking the date, place and people which has deep emotional and spiritual meaning to you and your partner. Her immediate family holds tremendous importance to Misty. That is why she picked only them to be in the ceremony.

She told me they picked the date because it was a one year anniversary from the date they became engaged; they picked the place because it was naturally beautiful; and they picked her nine year old son and twelve year old soon-to-be stepdaughter to take part in the ceremony. She chose only Tori and Chase since they were with her and Jr on their first date.

When I told Misty that two witnesses were necessary to sign the marriage license she asked if Tori, could sign it even though she was only 12. I had to get back to her on that one. When I checked with the Register of Deeds in our County the clerk said "The age requirement is 16 and must be of sound mind."

That meant we had to come up with a plan. I visited the front desk at the condo Misty's family booked. They offered to come out and be a witness if we needed one. Misty did say a friend of hers was going to be in the area anyway and would be there to take pictures so we had one witness and the promise of another from the front desk. It turned out, my wife Bettsy accompanied me so we had our second witness.

When I finally got to meet Misty and Jr in person, I presented her with a Conch Shell (pronounced 'konk'). That's the shell you can hold to your ear and hear the ocean.

I wasn't sure she would like it and she didn't - she loved it!

I like to present those to the brides of all the beach weddings I officiate.

The beauty of the whole occasion rolled out as the waves rolled in. Jr and Misty planned a made-to-order Carolina Beach wedding on a date, at a place and with the people who mean absolutely the most to them.

It was simple!

Misty, Tori, Rev Dale, Jr and Chase on Carolina Beach

PS Once I pronounced them husband and wife, I, of course, gave Jr permission to kiss his bride. While he was following my instruction several people staying in the same condos as Misty and her family who had been standing on their balconies broke out in loud applause. It was great! Simply great!

Thank you Misty, Jr, Chase and Tori. Blessings on you all.

http://www.capefearweddingminister.com

Cape Fear Wedding Association

2009-03-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

In any industry, working with people who share your passion and enthusiasm for the 'thing' you are interested in is very important. I found out that Wilmington has a Wedding Association which allows professionals in the field to visit their meetings in order to get to know other wedding business owners and possibly join the Association.

I went to one of their meetings last Wednesday and met several people - three photographers, a DJ and his wife, a hotel sales manager, AND the president of the Association. By the way, Cape Fear Wedding Association is the name of the group. I love it because the name is so similar to mine. I'm not sure how the Association feels about that.

Since there were several photographers present, I asked if I could have a favor done for a 'new guy' to the group and have a picture of me made with John Meyer, the President of Cape Fear Wedding Association. Logan Wallace agreed and shot this photo of John and me.

I'm the bearded guy (with glasses). Thanks Logan.

I also spent a few minutes talking with two florists from Moxie Floral Design Studios. I am embarrassed to say their names slip my memory. That happens when you meet a lot of new people within 90 minutes or so. I do plan to visit their studio and see their work (and learn their names).

Chris and Melodee Walters will always be easy for me to remember their names because I have a brother and sister by those names. Although my sister is Melanie, it will not be hard for me to get Melodee's name right next time I see her. Melody told me she does weddings too. But only in the case of emergency! Turns out, she and Chris were booked to provide music for a wedding once where the Minister who had already been paid, did not show up. The BIG scramble to replace him began and a replacement was finally located. The minister conducted the wedding - very late. Melodee was encouraged to get qualified to conduct weddings so if the ocassion every presented itself again she could simply step in and conduct the wedding - on time.

By the end, I knew I would be joining this group. They were collectively impressive and individually hospitable. Exactly the kind of professionals I want to get to know better and work with in the wedding industry. Matter of fact, I ending this now so I can go apply for membership.

Blessings on you all,

Rev Dale

Wilmington NC Beach Weddings

2009-03-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

Calls and emails are coming in every day now for Wilmington NC Beach Weddings. This is a teriffic setting because the choice of beaches here - Kure Beach, Carolina Beach, Wrightsville Beach, Topsail Beach - is just that - CHOICE!

It's interesting to hear from couples how and why they choose to come to the Cape Fear region to get married. One lady actually grew up in Wilmington but moved to Massachusetts, fell in love and always wanted to be married at Hugh McRae Park - a garden wedding. They will be here in April '09 when the azaleas will be flamingly colorful.

Others have visited here on vacation, fell in love with the Wilmington area thereby deciding to make Cape Fear their destination wedding site.

Also, it is quite interesting to hear from couples the struggle they have finding a Wilmington North Carolina Wedding Minister. I am trying harder and harder to make that task easier and easier for everyone who wants to come here to be married. I think everyone should come here for their Wilmington NC Beach Weddings! I do hope you don't think me shameless for that sentiment. I wish I had known about this blue-tiful place when Bettsy and I got married nearly 23 years ago.

Oh well, since we are here now, perhaps we should be planning Beach Renewal of Vows Ceremony for our 25th wedding anniversary in a few years.

What do you think?

Regards,

Rev

Talk about Wedding Planning on the Candid Wedding Minister Blog

2009-03-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

Greetings and Welcome . . .

to The Candid Wedding Minister Blog! My name's Reverend Dale Curtis but please just call me Rev.

If you haven't found my website, http://www.capefearweddingminister.com/, then hop over there after you take a few minutes to look around my blog here . . . click on any links which interest you . . . be sure to bookmark this site . . . and check back regularly for information, articles and posts from guests who leave comments.

As an ordained minister I conduct wedding ceremonies for couples coming to the Cape Fear area of North Carolina as their destination-of-choice to be married.

I am contacted by many more couples with lots of questions about wedding planning and choosing a wedding minister than I actually do wedding ceremonies for, so, I thought a blog about wedding topics, finding resources, and question & answer sessions would be helpful to couples even if they're not coming to Wilmington.

This is a safe place to ask candid questions and get candid answers; a place to find out what others are going through while they are planning their weddings; and a place to find the best and latest resources/vendors for your wedding needs.

So before you leave to visit my website, http://www.capefearweddingminister.com/, please do this:

Post comments letting me know if you think this blog will be helpful to you;
List the three things which are your BIGGEST problems in planning your wedding.

Regards,

Rev